Drunk Biking is Not Cool Bro

Bros enjoying their bikes

Recently it was announced that it is illegal to bike drunk in Washington DC. The reaction from the bloggerati is mixed. Regardless of how you feel, it’s illegal now, so you’re going to see PSA’s about it. Below is my drunk biking PSA.

Drunk Biking is not Kosher

Man, dressed in plaid (possibly flannel), stumbles out of a porch in Shaw. Giant rat scurries across the street. Man in plaid struggles to roll up pant leg next to a locked bike with hipster cysts. A second bro, in a greasy t-shirt, wearing sunglasses at night, and man-pris, emerges from the house.

Bro:

Bro, you can’t bike home like that.

Man in plaid (Slurred):

Like what? I’mmmm fine.

Bro:

It’s just not cool. Give me your u-lock keys.

Bro extends his hand waiting for the keys.

Man in plaid:

Lay off. When did you start listening to Nickelback? I saw you in Starbucks yesterday.

Bro:

I’m not the establishment. I’m your friend. Think about what you have to live for…the drum circle, the co-op. Don’t do this.

Bro reaches out to get the keys. Man in plaid shoves the bro to the ground and rides off. Cut to man in plaid riding up 14th street weaving back and forth in the lane. Ahead, a man in an electric wheelchair is going the wrong way in traffic lane. They almost collide. Man in plaid smirks. Then the man in plaid gets doored.

Fade to black. Words “Friends don’t let friends ride drunk” appear on screen.

END

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One response to “Drunk Biking is Not Cool Bro

  1. What a great cautionary tale that could happen to any of us!

    As a drunk-biking-accident survivor myself, I think there are few things worse than hearing the crunch of metal smash against the pavement during a blurry, hazy, imbibe-fueled ride.

    Thank you Charles for bringing attention to an issue that is so often relegated to the bike world’s darkest recesses.

    -Laura

    On another note to those biking the Embassy Open Houses this weekend: I think we should down a native drink outside each embassy. What do they drink in Namibia?

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